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Broken · words

Teenage mothers Lament

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When I say "I wish I hadnt had you at 15" your child hears " I wish I hadnt had you " What we mean to say is . I wish I had had you when I was ready when I was grown enough to have gone through lifes lessons so we didnt have to go through them together . I wish I had you when I was stable so you never had to fear being homeless and never had to struggle . I wish I had you when I knew who I was so I could teach you to learn who you are . I wish for you all the things I was incapable of giving of allowing you to be innocent allowing you to be the child and for me to be the grownup . I wish for you a parent you deserved and that I was not capable of being . The most devastating two words a teenage mother ever hears from thier teenage daughters is "Im pregnant" because we know the road ahead the sacrifice the pain and the fear . I know the regret of realizing later all the things your child DESERVED that you were unable to give . The basics of childhood being a parent isnt about just love alone .. its about giving and I didnt realize the depth of what we give until later . We give stability and innocence freedom and self respect after we have learned them ourselves . When I say I wish I hadnt had you at 15 I mean . I wish I had you at 30 with no struggles so we could have the life we deserved together and be the mother I should have been not the mother i was
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